the hills are alive

For the last two nights, the Von Trapp children have performed at my work.

Yes, that's right. THE Von Trapp children. Actually, the grandchildren of THE Von Trapp children of Sound of Music fame.

Who would have thought that there were still real Von Trapps running around singing and yodeling about Christmas and Edelweiss and saying goodbye? Not me, for one.

There are four Von Trapp children; three girls, one boy, and all of them hormonally-raging teenagers. The youngest is the boy, but luckily puberty is leaving his vocal range in tact.

After seeing the Von Trapp children in concert (more like cleaning toilets while hearing them over the speaker system), I have come to a brilliant resolution:

Resolved, to vehemently fight off Nazis with my beautiful wife then dress our many children in lederhosen, teach them how to sing (or ROCK) and tour the world with them, making billions and billions of dollars in the process.

i'm a magnet for bizarro

I don't know what the deal is, but I have the uncanny ability to end up in strange and awkward situations in bathrooms with other men.

Last night, I went to see the Batman movie with my roommate Chris. It far exceeded all the hype given to it. I left with my mind blown and my face melted, just as I did when I saw the first Batman on opening day in 1989 (I remember being mind-blown and face-melted, even though I was only 4).

I went to the bathroom before the movie started, and as I began my stint at the urinal, I heard someone say:

"Hey, that looks like a nice pisser!" A man in his late twenties approached the urinal next to me and began his business there. He then said,
"So, you got lots of lady friends here tonight?"
"Nope...I'm just here with my roommate."
"Oh, that's cool, that's cool. I bet with those glasses you have lots of lady friends."
"I have a girlfriend and she's great."
"Oh yeah, yeah, well you should have a girlfriend with glasses as cool as those ones."
"Thanks..."
"Sure thing, sure thing."

I ended the conversation with a friendly, "Well, I'm done. I'll see you around."

I don't know how I end up in these bizarre situations so often.

I Found the Winner in Me

There are some times in a man's life when he is so excited about something that he wants to just rip his shirt off right there.

Like the first time he kicks in a carved pumpkin (Don't worry: Real men kick in their own pumpkins. Kicking in little kids' pumpkins is for cowards and milquetoasts.)

Like the first time he throws a broken TV off of a building into a dumpster.

Like when he doesn't cut himself shaving for the first time in weeks.

Tonight, I did not cut myself shaving. I am a VICTOR!

For some reason, I still have issues with shaving my face. I've been shaving for a while, but somehow I often end up with nicks. If you had interviewed me when I first started shaving and said, "Tim, you are quite the awkwardly-pubescent teenager and you are clearly just learning how to shave. Do you think that in 8 years you will still be figuring out how to not hurt yourself when you shave?", I would have replied with a hearty, "No! Certainly I will have it down by then!"

Well, I would have been wrong. I don't have it down. But I am learning. And tonight gave me hope that I don't always have to cut myself.